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I took a bird back to mine for sex last night. After some complaints for the first five minutes like,”Stop, you’re too big!” And,”Please No, you’re really hurting me now!” The fat cow eventually rolled off me and let me go on top.As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, “Can you not just go out and have a couple of fucking drinks?”“Of course I can,” I replied, standing back up. “Just let me get my coat.When my precious little dog fell in the river Mersey, a German tourist jumped in the freezing water and saved him.Upon getting back on the pier, he checked my puppy out and said, “Ze dog is ok, he vill be fine.”Out of curiosity I asked, “Are you a vet?”He replied, “Vet? I’m fuken soaked!I have realised I still have so many unanswered questions! I never found out who let the dogs out ... the way to get to Sesame Street ... why Dora doesn’t just use Google Maps ... why we don’t ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery” ... why women. I held the bowl in one hand while I resumed eating with the other. I finished it quickly, faster than Carol recovered. The soup was delicious, even though I couldn't detect any flavor change as a result of my recent addition. Not that it mattered, as it'd never been the point of the exercise.Julia waited until Carol was starting to move again, then she said, "Look at the naked, lazy slut. Just sitting there enjoying herself sexually when there are dirty dishes to be washed and put away."The "naked, lazy slut" leaped to her feet and started collecting the dirty dishes, thereby disproving one of the three terms. The other two were still very much in evidence though, especially when Julia added, "She really is a big slut. Look at the size of the puddle she's left on our buffet counter."We all looked - as you do when someone points out puddles of pussy juice - and there was a very noticeable puddle, and a slime trail to where Carol had slid off the buffet.Carol blushed, looked down and.
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